It has been a pretty tough month for me recently. A lot has happened in a short time and most of it hasn't been nice. Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you try to get on with things, there's always something hiding around the corner to completely flatten your efforts to get back up again. It just goes on and on and you don't really know what to do with yourself anymore.
This happens every now and then for me, as I suspect it happens for everybody, but it's only recently that I've realised something about myself during these sorts of times. Even though I do get up, eventually, and carry on with things, it's not in the same way as before. I get so focused on trying to carry on with regular life, the things I really care about end up getting shoved to the side. Those things usually comprise of my writing and this year, my sketching too.
At the beginning of last year, a lot was going on. I'd been writing solidly throughout 2010, and I never thought I'd stop. Then, things got tough. I decided to take a small break from writing for January, just until I got back on my feet. I didn't start properly writing again until this year.
Looking back on it, it seems crazy. How did I just stop writing creatively for a year? This was something that had practically become my life in 2010. Things had been bad in 2010, and yet I still kept writing. Until January 2011 that is. Then I just gave up. Carried on with my life in every other way, apart from my writing. It makes me wonder what I was thinking, because writing is something that gives me so much joy, that gets me through hard times. Could I just give it up so easily, and not even realise what I was doing?
Fast forward to March this year. I'd been really getting back into writing before the beginning of March. I'd started writing this collection of short stories, then life started to get tough and ... I gave up. Realising that this month, that I did give up on writing and sketching just because everything got a little hard, surprised me. I don't like to think I'm the sort of person who easily gives up. But apparently I am. And that's strange to think. I don't want to be that person who gives up. Especially not on writing. I want to make it my life one day. Honestly, I can't afford just to guve up when it gets hard. That's not how publishing works, and that's not how I want to work.
I'm going to start entering writing competitions again. I'm going to pick back up on my short stories, and finish them. I'm going to try and draw again, if not every day, then most days. There's no point in giving up, because if I do, I'll never get anywhere. I just can't believe it took me this long to see it.